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I've got 3 ESC's here that I can't flash, i don't know why. I've done a ton of these, but for some reason, these one's won't connect.

I just get this in ST-Link STM32:

17:06:02 : Device ID:0x410
17:06:02 : Device family :STM32F10xx Medium-density
17:06:02 : Can not connect to device!

i've redone my soldering, made sure that the connections are good, used different wires, AND this st-link does the dashboard no problem, so what gives? Any ideas?

Yes, I had this same problem and my workaround did the trick.

Essentially, what happens after you run option bytes in STM32 STlink Util, if you have run the Program and Verify, your 5v power source changes pins..
So you have to move the 5v wire to another location on the ESC. I have found the 2nd or 3rd pin from the left on the 5pin hall sensor wire harness (someone correct me if I'm wrong on the lingo) will be the new 5v source after the "Program and Verify" is finished running and your ESC disconnects. This will allow you to copy/paste flash address 0x1FFFF7E8 to 0x0801C1B4 and finish the flash process.

Lemme know if you have any questions about this.